Pilgrimage

I can't wait to get out of this fucking box.

The weirdest, most nerve-wracking and most exciting two months of my life are coming to a close. I'm going home next weekend, two friends are visiting the weekend after that, then I'm going home again for a wedding that following weekend. And then it's Halloween. Safe to say, October will be busy.

But it's weird. After two months of depriving myself of nearly everything involving home, I don't feel ready to go back. I fucking miss my past life, but I'm so engrossed and wrapped up in college life that for the first time, going home will be an adjustment. And I'm afraid that now since I'm going home for the first time, I'll hate college and want to be home all the time after this. Does that make sense? Once you start, you can't stop.

And then there is the box factor. Confinement in this box of a room. My physical environment never changes. There's a sameness to my days that I need to make some concerted effort to break. Also, I can't escape. To anywhere. Everything is public and I don't have a place that I can call my own. I have three days a week where I have the room to myself for about a couple hours. That's it. My roommate is here the rest of the time. I don't like it.

This whole idea of going back home has caught me off-guard. I'm not prepared for it. It snuck up on me. Time goes really fucking fast. So fast, and yet I feel so much less fulfilled than I should be. Maybe I'll rush in the spring. Maybe I'll ignore the fact that I don't feel fulfilled and deal with it, because that's life. We shall see.

One more day, not including today, until I'm trekking home. The first of many pilgrimages of sorts. Get me the fuck out of here.